“You can’t pour from an empty cup”, or so they say. There is some truth in this statement but in reality we pour from an empty “cup” more often than not. My “cup” has been empty for years, and the reality is that the only person who can fill it, is me. It’s taken me 39 years to accept the fact that I am the most important person that I can show up for each day. I have to fill my “cup” and it’s the single most humbling revelation I’ve made. It literally encompasses everyone and everything that it is important in my life. I’ve been showing up and pouring from this empty “cup” for years and it impacts EVERYTHING!
I talk a lot about self-care because it’s a concept that up until a few months ago, was foreign to me. Filling this “cup” is an entirely different level of self-care and I am slowly peeling back the layers of what that entails. I have theories as to why I have been neglecting myself for so long and have believed most of them up to this point. In all of these scenarios, the major culprit is time and energy, there just never seems to be enough of either one. The truth is, we show up and make time for the things that are important to us and day after day I was making a choice to keep myself off that list. I had created a VIP list to my own party that included everyone around me but myself and I was measuring my success and self-worth solely on the the way my family and those that I work with/for see me. These opinions are important because these are the people I care about but I was not finding meaning and purpose in anything else. This affects your health, mood, perspective, parenting style, relationships and so much more. I am now certain that this sheer exhaustion that I am feeling is coming from the fact I do very little in the course of a day or week that lights a spark in me.
Sure, we can get by with the bare necessities, food, water, sleep, and exercise (wine on the tough days). We can schedule hair and nail appointments and if we’re lucky, we get the occasional yet important, girl or boys night out. Despite all this, most days I am just filling my “cup” enough to get through the day to day. Adulting is exhausting and the majority of adults I know are tired and as we age it’s just not getting any easier. As I have transitioned through the various phase’s of my life (career, marriage, motherhood) I realized that I have left a piece of my former self at the beginning of each stage. Now I find myself on the brink of 40 with absolutely no idea of how to get those pieces back. They are still in there buried under years of neglect and excuses but there is still hope! Everyday is an opportunity to show up for ourselves, to discover what gives us that confidence to face the world and know exactly who we are!
I am envious of people who have not lost sight of what they are passionate about. My husband is a runner and he is passionate about competing. He has been competitive his whole life and has found a way to successfully incorporate that into his adulthood. He seamlessly transitioned from competing in various high school and college sports to running and found ways to keep competing beyond the typical arenas of the teenage and young adult years. He has had a few setbacks over the years but has always pushed forward with passion and commitment, he never talks about stopping, just adapting and continuing to evolve and grow. He doesn’t make excuses, he loves it and outside of our family and his career, it brings him joy and is a defining part of who he is. My father is a musician, he began playing in his youth and never stopped. He is in his late 60s and still practices and plays live every chance he gets. They have made a commitment to show up for themselves, to make time for what is important to them and are keeping their “cup” full beyond the daily routine.
Outside of the self-care practices I have recently incorporated into my routine, I am actively working on uncovering my passion and re-discovering the things in my life, outside of my family and career, that I am passionate about. Here is what I know for sure, I love to write, I love to help people and I do have a competitive fire in me. As I continue on this journey of becoming my best self, I started this blog to share my story, to navigate my way through this midlife dilemma and to hold myself accountable for the changes that I need to make in my life. Now the goal is to show up for myself and make time for the things that bring me joy so when I pour from that “cup” I not only have plenty to give but still some left for myself.
How are you keeping your “cup” full? How did you show up for yourself today? This will look different for everyone and I would love to hear your story!
Midlife Mama
The Midlife Mama 