10 Important Quotes to Live By

I find so much joy in reading a good quote, especially when I come across one that is relevant to something I am going through in that moment. Quotes can change our outlook and impact our mood, much like music, they can evoke a feeling of peace and calmness, guide us in a positive direction or validate our feelings in that moment. Below are 10 quotes that offer guidance and always leave me feeling empowered…

Although actual superpowers might produce a faster result we should be empowered by our own resiliency. Don’t underestimate the power you hold within, that strength is what keeps you going through all of the obstacles that life throws at you.

This quote rings true on many levels. The things that we stress about come and go because the context of our lives changes daily. This reminds me to focus on the direction I want my life to go and to focus on the things that I can control to get myself to where I want to be. Stress can cloud your thoughts and judgement and do a number on your health if it’s not kept in check.

This quote helped empower me to start making changes in my life. The day I woke up and realized that the only person holding me back from the person I want to be is me. Fear, self-doubt, failure are many of the roadblocks that hold us back from changing our situation whether is be in our career, relationships, or becoming our best self. The hardest thing to do is take ownership of your life and take accountability for your situation.

This quote is so empowering and so true. This is a reminder that we need to stop changing who we are for the sake of others. We have one life to live and living it held back by the fear of what people think is no life. We all have a place and purpose in this world and it’s up to us to find it, to plant ourselves in this life and live without regret.

Work/life balance is critical to a healthy lifestyle. Creating healthy boundaries is difficult but important. Throwing yourself into your work all the time and neglecting your responsibilities at home can have a damaging impact on your family and relationships. When we don’t practice self self-love and self-care we are neglecting ourselves.

This is important to keep in mind especially when dealing with conflict. In both your career and personal life, keeping this perspective can help you to move past other people negativity in situations. When you live your life with integrity and love you can move forward with confidence in your actions and choices and be sure that their reacting to something is a reflection of themself, not you.

Stop holding on to anger! We are capable of forgiving people and still maintaining boundaries. Anger is like stress, it impacts your mood and outlook and can change you into a negative person.

I quoted the great Maya Angelou in my grandmothers eulogy. How you make others feel is so important. I will never remember everything that she said to me, she told me a lot, but I will always remember how she made me feel so loved, so heard, and so important. I feel this is so important to focus on as parents. Our children need to feel loved and safe.

Travel! Break free from the day to day routine, from the grasp of daily expectations and experience what life is like in other places! Home will always be familiar however emersing yourself in a new culture will enrich your life in so many positive ways. You bring a part of each place home with you and can draw from each experience feelings of peace and calmness, excitement, beauty and adventure!

You can totally change, defy people’s expectations and find yourself! I firmly believe that life is all about transition and our need to evolve is driven by our experiences. Growth is hard but necessary to be who we are destined to become!

I am a work in progress but little by little I am evolving into the person I was meant to be!

What are some of your favorite quotes! Comment below!

Midlife Mama

A Little More About Me…

Do any of us really have our shit together?  This mama certainly does not!  On the outside, great husband, great kids, great house,  high stress job, you know, all the normalcy that comes with middle aged adulthood.  On the inside fear, doubt, disorganization, loss of self identity and utter exhaustion.  I am on the brink of 39 years old and feel like I am 80.  I feel like I have already earned my retirement and just want someone to dump me on a beach with bottomless margaritas and let the sun beat on me till there is nothing left.  Don’t worry, I love my life, this isn’t a cry for help but it definitely is a wake up call.  

 How did I get here?  Here’s a clue, all that shit they tell you about how important your choices are and blah blah blah…well newsflash! They are all true!  At the end of the day, the easy way doesn’t exist, your personal issues eventually catch up with you and life just continues to move ahead at lightning speed, with or without your approval.  I was beginning to feel like every choice I made was thrown out into the universe and spit back out in one seemingly endless disaster after another.  The more I tried the harder I would fall. Every now and then I get a minute to breath, maybe take a day off or go on an extravagant vacation, and then, like clockwork, disaster strikes and I’m back on the wheel again, running, falling, climbing and desperate for another break.  This is how I was living my life, break to break, (fueled by coffee and wine) until eventually I began to realize there were no more breaks.  That stressful job had taken over my life, and…are you ready for this…I had let it happen!  Not intentionally of course, but you see the thing about me is that I am an overthinking, people pleaser (sprinkled with a side of high functioning anxiety) who has a hard time saying NO.  I am a great problem solver (with other peoples problems) and work well under pressure (when I am forced to make a damn decision).  Great for any resume, right?!?

Don’t worry, I will not pressure you into buying some training program to manage your disfunction, I literally started making changes in my own life about a month ago and who knows they could all be wrong.  I do not claim to be an expert on anything and my purpose for sharing my story is just that, I want to share, to connect and relate to people.  Its lonely being in your own head all the time.  I love to write and I figured I would write about myself in hopes you can relate.  I am not a negative person, I am honestly the opposite, I look for the good in people and situations, I believe the “You got this” mantra, but still I am a worst case scenario person.  Those who know me can attest to that but I have always felt like it was easier to prepare for the worst, then feel that moment of relief when it doesn’t turn out as bad as you thought. (Psychology majors, any thoughts?)  I am addicted to that relief, some might compare it to a runners high, and if I ever start running I will let you know if that’s the case!  I know I am a mess, but who isn’t? Am I proud of this? No!  Am I proud of myself for finally calling out my own bull shit and dealing with my issues? Yes, I am!  Nobody is perfect and I know plenty of people, who would rather maintain the fake it to make it attitude than face their own BS. It takes a lot of courage to admit that you are not the person that you present to the world ( via social media).  

Our stories make us who we are, the good and the bad! Combined, they merge into the most interesting and engaging story you will ever create. It is fluid, messy, honest and beautiful. I can’t wait to share my experiences in love and relationships, parenting, midlife struggles and more! Welcome to the Midlife Mama’s Not-So-Secret Diary! I am excited to share my story with you!

Some Midlife Mama advice to a new parent…

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I have been around kids my whole life. I have a younger sister and cousins, and I have been working with children for over 20 years! Every age from infancy to 12 years old, including coaching. I felt so prepared to have my own children and couldn’t wait to be a mom! My own mom is the strongest, kindest most amazing woman on the planet so I figure the apple can’t fall far from the tree…right? I had my first child at the age of 28, and my second at the age of 33. In my mind we were old enough to be responsible and young enough to keep up with them. I quickly realized that having your own kids is a completely different level of adulting, that I was in no way prepared for. (Cue bags under the eyes, and puke stains on your shoulders)

When we had our oldest daughter it was like time stopped and for the first week my husband and I just starred at her, we were teary eyed balls of mush, in total awe of this beautiful creature that we had created. I spent 6 days in the hospital following a c-section with complications and we were sleep deprived and more than ready to get our baby girl home and in a new routine. Fast forward to 5 years later when baby number 2 made her debut just as our oldest was becoming miss independent and none of the stuff we stressed about mattered that much anymore, we were armed with experience and ready! We put so much pressure on ourselves the first time around to be perfect parents, to raise a perfect tiny human and as I reflect back to that time, here is some advice…

Putting a new born on a schedule right away…

The first few weeks home is an adjustment period for everyone. It bothers me that we feel pressure to create that schedule right away. We are on leave for 6-8 weeks (or more) for a reason right? Much of this time is filled with visitors coming in and out, people telling you to sleep when the baby does but they don’t leave and you don’t sleep. You don’t sleep at night either, even if that beautiful little creature gives you a solid 4-5 hour stretch your parenting instincts have kicked in and you are up checking on them and worrying. You go from “I wish you would sleep” to “why are you sleeping so long?” When they wake up, even if your partner gets up with them, you are still up. Their eating schedule changes daily and if you are formula feeding, their formula could change multiple times as well. They are adjusting to life outside the confines of your tummy. Don’t put yourself through that! Just enjoy those first few weeks. They won’t be damaged for life if you snuggle them extra, and let them eat and sleep when they need to. That schedule will become important down the road, but we will talk about finding the right balance of consistency and structure another time! For now, just enjoy your little one!

All the baby gear (ugh)

After we had child number one we realized that the 4 page baby registry that we had created with such care and purpose had over taken our home. I can’t tell you how many useless baby items there are out there. You wont use half of it. The wipe warmer comes to mind. Is your thermostat set to 35 degrees? I mean really, how cold can those wipes be? And realistically, if you are putting your child into a childcare center at some point they wont use them anyways. It is one more thing to remember to store and fill on a weekly basis and trust me, you will have enough going on. My best advice for any new parent is to ask another mom or dad what their go to items are and go from there. Our most important baby item was the rock and play as it made both our girls a little more portable until they became more mobile and the Gerber brand burp cloths. You can never have enough burp cloths! Also register for gift cards, wipes and diapers (in every size). Your baby will out grow the clothing people get you before they have had a chance to wear it (most people don’t have the same taste as you either) and it is easier to have the gift cards on hand to get what you need. Diapers are costly and you can exchange the unopened boxes for different sizes as baby grows. When my friend had her second child I purchased 5 large boxes of diapers and 12 packages of wipes, and she was thrilled!

To breastfeed or not to breastfeed?

Breastfeeding is a commitment and I personally knew what my work schedule looked like, I was commuting 45 minutes each way at the time and knew that that was something that I would struggle to maintain down the road, after maternity leave was over. I am also fortunate to have a very hands on husband who alternated getting up with me at night and wanted to have all those moments with his little girl. Despite the crazy cost of formula, this just aligned better for us. I give so much credit to women who make this commitment and can make it work. I gave birth in a catholic hospital that encouraged breastfeeding. I felt a lot of pressure to do it even when I decided not to. I honestly believe that there is no wrong answer to this one. Do what works for you and your family. My kids are 10 and 5 and are healthy and thriving. There are challenges either way you just have to know what they are and be prepared to handle them.

ChildCare, full-time nanny, or stay at home mom?

This is solely based on your situation and don’t let anyone ever make you feel guilty about your choice! Do what aligns with your goals. If you were on your desired career path before you had your baby then continue to live out your dreams. Most childcare centers provide your child wonderful experiences to learn, socialize and grow with loving caregivers, just do your research and know that cost will be a factor. (Remember that the teachers there are caring for our most precious cargo, they become part of the family, treat them with respect!) The same can be said for hiring a full-time nanny as well. And if you have always dreamed of being a stay at home mom then by all means do it if you are able to! We are capable of having it all we just have to find the right balance and that can take some time. I think the important thing to realize is that we don’t always get it right, right away, and it is ok to change your mind! It takes a village!

The guilt and fear we have as parents never goes away. Every choice we make impacts our child in some way and it is impossible to get it 100% right. In all honesty my finely tuned birth plan flew out the window the second my blood pressure tanked in the delivery room… and as for baby number 2, my plan was pretty basic… just get her out safety!

Just do your best and enjoy every little moment, it goes by so quickly!

Stay tuned for more tips and tricks from the midlife mama!

I would love to hear from more mamas about your experiences!

Midlife Mama

First comes…Friendship?!?

Photo by Shihab Nymur on Pexels.com

Our love story is simple. A typical boy next door (Rom-com if you will) with all the classic elements, girl and boy grow up together, can’t stand each other at first (middle school..ugh), develop a friendship and fall in love. To most its bla bla bla…but for us its pretty beautiful. I am happily married to my high school sweetheart (and next door neighbor) of whom I have been with for 23 years total (13 married)… The amount of assumptions that are made about our relationship are endless. The biggest question I always get is, why did you wait so long to get married? To put this timeline in perspective, we started dating in 1998 (freshmen in high school, 15 years old) and got married in 2009 (26 years old). We were babies, we couldn’t even drive a car yet when we got together!

I am always puzzled by that question. We never felt any pressure to take the plunge and when my husband proposed to me, although it was expected at some point, it was 100% a surprise and one of the most beautiful moments in my life (second only to my babies being born)! There was no timeline weighing us down, we were too busy finishing college and learning about who we were. It’s a funny thing when you literally grow up with someone. You see what they have been through and how far they have come. The good the bad and everything in between. People always assume it was way easier but let me assure you, as much as I love and respect this man, our early years were an uphill climb.

Neither one of us had any clue who we were at 15, 18, 23 and honestly at 39 we are still a work in progress. The societal timeline is crap and had we tied the knot at 22 years old, I don’t even want to think about what might have become of us. My husband is a planner, always has been and I on the other hand, am not. I’m more of the “let’s see where this day takes us” kind of person, especially in my early 20s. (That didn’t change till I had kids). While he was planning his life through careful, calculated decisions with stellar academic performance, I was drifting aimlessly through college trying to find the quickest way out possible. I preferred to work, it gave me purpose and made me feel older. When I am responsible for other people I am in my comfort zone and I own that responsibility. It’s just taken me awhile to understand how to be responsible for myself and what I need. Putting others first is an admiral quality but there is a line, a point in which you lose yourself, and once it is crossed, it is hard to come back from. My husband has seen me struggle with this through the years and has never been one of the people to take advantage of it. He is my anchor, the reason I was able to hover just above that line for so many years.

When we got engaged we were both in graduate programs. It was on our terms and we were engaged for 2 years as we finished college. Despite the length of time that we dated, we were one of the first couples in our circle to plan a wedding and it was exciting and fun. The proposal was amazing, it happened at the peak of Mount Washington after a long day hiking, and truly took my breath away! One time a friend asked me if I was upset that it took my husband so long to ask me, like to be sure I was “the one” and I honesty was taken back and a bit peeved. People see only what they want to see and their criticism is usually a reflection of something they see in themselves. The great thing about knowing someone so long is knowing how they approach and think about things. We had talked about the future plenty of times and it was always us together, it happened organically (I hate that word). Getting married was never the goal of our relationship, it was always just to be happy being together, to feel secure in the times that we weren’t and to trust that the other person has our back.

Our relationship unfolded in front of our friends through high school social gatherings (parties, dances, sporting events etc…) we had a shared group of friends and also some separate. That in itself is challenging, as you are developing feelings and learning how to be in a relationship in front of everyone. Luckily we were neighbors and had opportunities to spend quiet moments together during a time when your social circle dominated your free time. The real moments back then were spent playing basketball in the driveway and taking for countless hours about life. We became best friends first, we were unknowingly building the foundation that enabled us to withstand the challenges ahead of us, and the rest is history. It’s enabled us to hit a level of honesty with each other that is most of the time annoying but necessary.

I am not the person that people go to for advice on dating. I am fine with this. However, I have dated the same person for 23 years. A marriage license didn’t change that. Our priorities have shifted over the years but we have never stopped dating each other. That’s our time, that’s where we thrive. We have fun together, we check in with one another and find ourselves again. We plan, we talk about our kids and strategies on how we are going to tackle the upcoming week, and of course, we have a few drinks…(midlife dating: Where the to do list is endless and the hangover is relentless) We have great dates and sometimes we have bad dates. We laugh, we cry and sometimes, if we don’t have a sitter, we hide in our basement from the kids and have a beer and just breath for a minute. It varies and that’s what makes it so real. People often can’t see past the been together forever, high school sweetheart part of our story and that’s fine. People who are in long term relationships are judged just as harshly as those who date. Judgment is part of human nature and we all do it. Just don’t count us relationship lifers out, we carry the same struggles and triumphs just in a different form.

What is your love story!?!

Midlife Mama