“The Sandlot” came out in 1993, the movie (for those who don’t know) is a coming of age tale of a group of boys growing up in the 60’s, centered around a mutual love and respect for baseball. It highlights one summer, which was the best summer of their lives. I was 10 when this film came out and, despite being a girl, it became the anthem of my preteen years as much of the context of the film was still embedded in the late 80’s and early 90’s culture. We spent our summers outdoors, (watching MTV on rainy days and chatting on the house phone with our friends, thanks to advances in technology) getting into trouble, and having the time of our lives.
Fast forward to 2022…
“Why don’t you go outside and play?”
We ask our children this question in sheer exhaustion after we have spent a single endless morning entertaining them with cookie baking, stories, watching them perform a gymnastics or talent show, playing a board game with them, or feeling pressure to try and create some ridiculous DIY craft or take them on some planned hike or adventure. We give them some “screen time” just so we can take a break. Oh, and did I mention the 7000 snacks and glasses of water we provided at their request!?! This is how present day parents spend their days with their kids and it’s exhausting. Don’t get me wrong, I love spending time with my kids, I am in the process of changing careers to do more of that but still, creating magical experiences for them every second of the day is a bit much! Also, just so we’re clear, I’m the reason they don’t go outside and play (at least not without me there). This ah ha moment is what got me thinking about why!
Fantasy vs Reality
“When I was your age my parents didn’t entertain me all day, I was outside playing, riding my bike, playing every sport imaginable with the kids in my neighborhood!”~My husband: every snow day and weekend, every sunny afternoon when the kids get home from school, basically every minute of every day!
{Panic}…this is what my kids feel, they have no clue what that means or how to react to it. “You mean you’re not coming outside with us?” Is their typical response, and of course we are, because, in my mind, the world is a terrible scary place, and the neighbor down the street might sue you if you are running through his yard. Besides, if we don’t, who will open the chalk bucket and get the basketball if it rolls into the street? They will be in an out 1000 times with 1000 requests and at that point it’s just easier to throw on some shades, grab a beer, ignore the house work, and go outside with them.
“The Sandlot” to them is a fantasy type movie that looks like the greatest childhood ever but not something that could ever be their reality. In the 80s and 90s we spent what felt like endless afternoons and summer days outside in the yard, in the neighbors yard, having a catch in the street, riding bikes, building forts, having camp outs and getting into all kinds of harmless mischief. (Of course after our chores were done) At our parents request, we dragged our younger siblings along for the ride. We had rules and boundaries, most of the time our parents were at work and we had to check in, it was not as carefree as the movie but it was still so different then what our kids know now.
My husband and I relate to the “The Sandlot” in so many ways. It’s one of our favorite movies to watch with our kids because its a welcome reminder of what the good old days were all about. Sadly, were one of the last generations to experience childhood at a fraction of this capacity.
The world was different. Parents had a normal level of fear and anxiety and it was relative to what was happening in society however the media was not in their face 24/7. News media outlets and social media wasn’t as accessible and flexible as technology has made it now. My 10 year old is begging me for an iPhone; I didn’t get my first phone until I was a freshmen in college (2001). I would borrow my dads flip phone if I was out at night to check in and that was it. I caved and got her an iPod, not as good as a phone but lets her communicate with her friends who have them. I am not judging believe me, its the new reality and I get it, but I am just not at the point where I trust my clumsy, forgetful child with a $1000 device. I will get there soon, middle school is right around the corner!
The world that my kids are growing up in is much scarier. Present day parenting has changed and we are scared to give up the little control we have of their safety. There has always been crime and violence and with technology at our fingertips, it is in our faces constantly. Thanks to the COVID Pandemic, for the last 2 years of their lives, our children have depended on tablets and chrome books for school, and to keep in touch with relatives and friends. Nowadays elementary age children have cell phones, FaceBook and Instagram pages and cyber bullying is a major threat that parents have to navigate and monitor. Violence among teens and adolescents is on the rise with mental health issues escalating at an alarming rate. Most parents are scared, well this mama is anyways!
The Neighborhood Then…
Growing up I lived in the same town but in 2 different houses. We moved from one neighborhood to another when I was going into middle school. This didn’t impact me much besides not having the same neighborhood friends, the school system was the same and honestly my new neighborhood was the same just different kids. Back then it felt like every house had a kid or 2 living in it. We would meet outside regularly to play. There was always that kid that planned everything, the kid that had all the sports equipment, the kid that was the leader, the kid who was always bored, and the kid whose mom was always home (or in my case, my dad worked nights so he was home during the day), the rest of us just fell into line and we all just figured out what to do to pass the time.
If we were playing any kind of sport one team wins and the other loses and if you lost it sucked but it motivated you to try harder in the next day. We didn’t go home and cry about it all day, we accepted it and moved on. We knew our limits for the most part. We watched out for each other, we didn’t talk to strangers and used our common sense when we were in situations that didn’t feel right. Having independence allows you to develop those senses. Sometimes bad things happened, that’s life, but most of the time we were fine.
The world was different. A lot of the same issues we have now were present back then but the people and mindset were different, we knew our neighbors for the most part and they knew the kids. Parents communicated with other parents and looked out for each other’s kids. It was normal to hear your doorbell ring or for your friends to call you on the landline.
We learned a lot from these experiences. We learned acceptance, we let our friends borrow stuff. We worked together to figure out how to get out of trouble when we accidentally hit a car or window with a baseball, or busted up our bikes. We made money by shoveling driveways on snow days. Most importantly we fought with each other, we had arguments, and disagreements and we figured out how to work it out. Our parents didn’t fight our battles for us (unless it was something major) and it made us stronger.
The Neighborhood Now…
My neighbors are great, the ones that I know. We have many kids in our neighborhood but they stay confined to their yards for the most part and are not usually outside without their parents. Nowadays play dates are carefully planned and curated into post worthy experiences for kids and parents to interact with each other. In all honesty, when my kids do go outside without me I’m a nervous wreck! I check the window or camera every couple minutes, and open a window so I can hear them. (I have read one to many stories on Facebook and they haunt me at night when I am trying to fall asleep.) Some neighbors never leave their house, they don’t even know who my kids are.
Honesty with the kids schedules there is little time for them to socialize as it is. We sign them up for sports, dance, gymnastics, etc…and we have to because those experiences just don’t exist organically anymore. When we were kids we would play in the neighborhood and on the town league then join the middle school or high school team and still have a shot to play in collage. These days, that is not enough. We have to sign our kids up for sports or whatever activity they are into at the age of 5, (having been already working on fine tuning their skills at the age of 2 ) and get them into a travel league by the age of 8, if we want them to have any chance of making it. It’s time consuming and exhausting and, in my opinion, has heavily contributed to the demise of “The Sandlot” era.
Looking Ahead…
Our kids socialize at school, on teams, with their cousins, and our best friends kids. They attend birthday parties and have a friend over once in awhile. It’s fine, but it’s just not the same and it never will be. Society has changed, parenting expectations have changed and this is just what the new normal is. My kids have a wonderful childhood it’s just different and someday they might argue that it was better, time will tell! For now we will just keep doing the best we can to keep our kids humble and safe while navigating the ever changing social climate were in.
Agree, disagree (Its ok, I know my opinion is just that, one person’s perspective), have something to add! I would love to gain new insight on this topic! Feel free to comment below!
Midlife Mama
The Midlife Mama 