I am just going to come out and say it…Adulting can sometimes be the worst, parenting is hard, and we are all tired. There is hardly enough time in the day to get everything on the to do list done. Throw in a child who forgot to tell you about an upcoming math test or a husband who lets you know last minute he needs you to whip up some amazing dish for a work party, and you pretty much have zero time to do much of anything. I have said it a million times, “I LOVE my kids and I LOVE my husband”, but they are not the only people in my life who bring me joy. My girlfriends are amazing and spending time with them is rejuvenating and helps to keep me centered. Many of them knew me long before my I was married with kids, before my career, basically before the onset of middle age life. The friends we make later in life through work, marriage, and through our kids are amazing too and can become some of the best relationships that we have. Sadly, the majority of those relationships often exist in the context in which they are developed and don’t often get the chance to grow to their greatest potential. The Middle-age hustle and bustle leaves little time for creating meaningful relationships as we did in our childhood.
Whether you are married, single, kids, no kids, it is easy to lose yourself in the daily grind. Those “Midlife Crisis” moments we have are the result of your brain and heart finally catching up with each other and saying “Hey, wait a minute, how did we get here?” That moment you look in the mirror and see a workaholic, cook, maid and chauffeur staring back at you and you realize that it’s been a month since you did anything for yourself. Too busy, too tired, it’s too much! Where is the free-spirited energetic young woman who wanted to change the world, who didn’t take herself so seriously, who wasn’t too busy to chat on the phone, or too tired to stay up late!?! The people who know us best usually know how to bring out the best in us and this is why “Girls Night” is so important!
“Girls Night” has been blown up in epic proportions on the big screen and although a night of such caliber would be amazing to experience, that’s not true to how it really plays out and honestly it doesn’t have to. A night of partying and running around town sounds exhausting and not worth the 3-day hangover that is sure to follow. The “Girls Night” I am referring to is a more low-key experience that is much more valuable and offers a measure of self-care that is truly being underutilized.
Spending time with the people in your circle who expect nothing from you other than for you to be yourself, a person to share stories with, vent to and support you without judgement, is so valuable. These events create opportunities for you to break the monotony of daily life and take a well-deserved time out. Drink, eat, laugh, cry, dance, swear, do whatever makes you happy with no expectations. If you can’t be yourself, then you’re not in the right circle. Aside from your mom, nobody else will call you out on your bullshit like your best friends will and we need that too!
As we get older these experiences become increasingly difficult to coordinate. People are just busy and that is ok, you just have to get creative and most importantly stay in touch. Even through our text group, I feel supported and I am able to have a good laugh pretty regularly. What is not ok is feeling like your trip to Target was a vacation because it was the only time you go a minute alone this week. Or justifying not going out or making the effort to because you got your hair or nails done recently and it might be “too much”. We need to get out of the mindset that it’s wrong to want to go out without your kids or spouse. Some distance is healthy and can help you reset and in turn, have better times together. This applies to men too; men maintaining their relationships is just as important and should be supported.
A successful “Girls Night” is what you make of the time you spend together. If you are looking to go out, you can do something as simple as meeting at restaurant or bar for some drinks, if someone in the group needs a heart to heart you can meet up for coffee or if you are looking for a night of fun and laughs, take a pole dancing class. Staying in is an option too! Host a themed dinner party in honor of one of your gal pals, or keep it low key with some beers around the fire pit. When you are surrounded by the right people it wont matter what you do.
Like I said, life gets busy and that is ok! Once a month is reasonable and a good place to start! If you are able to do more then go for it! Thankfully, apps like zoom enable us to include those who are far away and still get together in times when life really is that busy and we just can’t get out. Put the kiddos to bed, grab a glass of wine and have a virtual “Girls Night” with your besties! Marriage, motherhood and careers are amazing, but it is easy to lose yourself in the shuffle if you don’t make time away from those areas of your life. “Girls Night” is therapeutic, it is meaningful, and it is an important element of self-care that we should be making time for.
What was your best “Girls Night” ever!?!
Midlife Mama
The Midlife Mama 